Back to school...

I knew this day would come, but that doesn't make it any easier.  When I was at home with a two-week old, getting to stay at home with him for four months felt like an eternity.  Surely, I thought, it will be easy then.  He'll be bigger, in a routine, and I may even be ready for a break...

It wasn't.  An eternity, I mean.  It was a nanosecond.  And now it's already time for me to return to work.  It's time for us to assume what will be our "normal" for at least the next few years.  Looking back on my time home with my little bug, I know that there were afternoons when all I needed to do was fold laundry or clean house, and all Collier wanted me to do was hold him.  Most of the time, I held him.  I'm glad I did. 

As we approach this milestone, I have two conflicting arguments going on in my heart and my head.  My rational, logical side says I'll be a better mom for working outside the home.  I'll appreciate my time with both my guys.  I'll get to have adult conversations.  Reason argues that I love my job, and I'm good at it, and I feel that it's what God has called me to do. The other side says that God has also called me to be a mom.  That no one knows better than me how to take care of my boy.  This irrational side also cries in fear that he won't need me as much.  That he'll be spending more of his waking hours with his babysitter than with me.  That he'll favor her over me.  A little broken piece of my heart is scared that if I'm not the one there for every nap, every smile, every feeding, everything, that I'll miss something.  Or everything.  I guess that's the life of a mom, right?  Forever wondering if you did the right thing.  

I know that, in a week or two, this will become routine.  I know we'll all be better for it.  If we can just get through tomorrow...

What a difference a year makes...

July 27th, 2011--one year ago today, we found out that we were expecting a baby.  We had been purposeful about trying for a baby, and Thursday January 27th was the first day that I could take a test and see accurate results.  First thing that morning (apparently morning pee is best for these things), I took care of business, and we eagerly awaited the appearance of that little pink line.  After waiting the required three hours minutes, Chris and I walked into the bathroom together...

That life-changing pink line

My response was, "Well, there ya go", and Chris just grinned.  He then went on to get ready for work, but forget to shave.  Guess his mind was elsewhere. :)  I went about my normal business (actually, I went in for a dental cleaning), and tried to wrap my head around this life changing news. I knew our lives would change, but I don't know that anything could have prepared me for the highs, lows, joy, exhaustion, and incredible changes that have happened in our lives this year.  I've seen our marriage grow into a supportive partnership; a team focused on the success of another human.   It's pretty awesome.  I've seen my body change and react and rise to the occasion in ways I couldn't have imagined.  And (my personal favorite), I've gotten to see my already wonderful husband become a daddy.  I've literally gotten to watch love take seed and grow in his heart, and it has been the most amazing thing to see.  I've seen him step up into his role as leader of our family in such a real and powerful way, and it has been such an honor to have him walk beside me during this year.  

About six weeks along...supposedly you may be able hear a heartbeat.  I could not. :)

Our first glimpse of that sweet little nugget; 8 weeks along

Around 21 weeks along; when we found out that he was a  he

And at 38 weeks, on my way to the hospital to meet Mr. Collier

It's also kind of crazy to think of the undertaking that it has been within Collier's little body from one year ago to today.  One year ago, when we found out that he was on his way, he was a little cluster of cells; barely differentiated, and the size of a poppyseed.  Since then, he's developed tissues, organs, systems that work to digest, communicate, learn, feel, remember, and fight infections.  He's hundreds of times bigger than he was, and there were millions of things that had to happen just perfectly for him to be here in our arms.  The miracle is, they did.  If that's not proof that God rains his blessings on us over and over, I don't know what is.

From poppyseed to preciousness in one year's time.  Good job, God!

Our 4 Month Old

You still weren't feeling great when we took this picture...but you're adorable! :)

Collier,

It seems like each month of your sweet life passes more quickly than the last.  I can't believe that you're already 1/3 of the way to your first birthday!  You're growing so fast, and learning so much, and we are so proud that you're ours.

Mommy and Daddy love to smooch those sweet cheeks!

We visited the doctor for a checkup on your 4 month "birthday", and knew you were feeling a little puny.  Turns out that you had your very first ear infection--see post on that here.  So, we held off on the shots until that clears up.  We did find out that you are growing and developing just perfectly.  You weighed in at 14 pounds, 8 ounces (50th percentile), and you're 25.5 inches long (75th percentile).  It looks like you'll be long and lean, little man.  You eat every three hours, and are wearing size 3-6 month clothes, and size 2 diapers (although I don't believe that any diaper exists that can contain your gastronomic gifts to us...we go through multiple outfits because of this!).  You still sleep very well at night, and go to bed around 7:30 pm, and wake up for the day around 7:00 am, waking up once or twice.  Thanks for this!  You must know that your mommy is a grump without enough sleep! :)  You stay up longer stretches during the day, and we are working on trying to get you to take three good naps a day--our nap schedule is still a work in progress.

You've become such a wiggle worm in your sleep!  You no longer need/want to be swaddled, which is good, because the blanket wouldn't stay on you anymore!

You've learned so many new tricks this month!  You can roll from your back to your tummy in a flash, which frustrates you some while you're sleeping, because rolling back over is much harder (you grunt and fuss until someone rescues you).  You are getting better at grasping things, you bring your hands together, and pull things to your mouth (our hands, your hands, your toys, anything!).  You also seem to have discovered your feet, and hold them straight up in the air so you can look at them--it's entertaining. :)  

I caught you mid-roll

Showing off your new grasping skills with Sophie the Giraffe

You smile all the time, and laugh sometimes, but you're a pretty serious little fellow--very observant.  You have discovered the TV in the past few weeks, and will twist and turn so you can see it.  We'll have to be careful about what we watch!  You love to stand up and look all around, and really enjoy being outside (that's our go-to if you're really upset...take you outside and you calm right down).  You are starting to like bath time more, but we've learned that you just want to sit in the water without the infant seat.  Such a big boy!  You still dislike riding in the car, and also hate getting dressed (and taking medicine, it turns out).  You're becoming more attached to us, especially when you're tired.  Usually you're content as long as you can see us.  We like you too. :)

You still love the activity gym...

and reading books...

and eating them too.

We had a visit with Grandpa, Nana, and Great-Grandmother and Great-Grandaddy

I love this picture.  You look like you're really enjoying your Great-Grandaddy

First family vacation

We've done lots of exciting things this month--visiting family, your first trip to the beach, play dates, and cookouts.  You add so much joy to our lives, and I think we'd both agree that becoming parents is the hardest and best thing we've ever done together.

Our first illness...

Feeling kind of puny on Sunday evening

We got back from the beach on Saturday evening, and were all three pretty tired on Sunday.  Collier didn't nap well, and so we tried to get him to bed early.  What followed was absolutely the worst night of "sleep" we've had....C woke up every 30 minutes or so screaming his head off.  The only thing that would console him was nursing.  Sometime in the middle of the night, we took his temperature (another first), and since he was running a bit of a fever, we gave him some Tylenol and got a few hours of sleep.  He was super fussy and very pitiful all day Monday, and we already had an appointment for his 4 month checkup, so we figured that the doc would say he was teething or something.  Turns out, our little guy has an ear infection.  Poor bug.  We both had lots of ear infections when we were little, and so perhaps he's inherited bad eustachian tubes from mom and dad--sorry guy.

Most pitiful face ever at the doctor's office

We picked up some amoxicillian (which, you'll be happy to know, smell exactly the same as it did when I was 5.  I opened the bottle of the "pink stuff" and it hit me..."Ahh, childhood"), and gave lots and lots of extra cuddles.  By now, he's back to his regular self, but we've learned that he is NOT a fan of the pink stuff (and spits it out very efficiently), and it is stickier than I remember.  We're just thankful that C's first illness was something relatively easy to treat, and that he's back to feeling better.  We'll head back to the doc in 10 days to re-check his ear, and have those vaccines that he didn't get to have on Monday.  Yuck. 

Beach Trip!

We got back Sunday from a wonderful, relaxing, exhausting, fun-filled, sunny, sandy week at Hilton Head Island with our family.  We remarked almost every day we were gone about how very different our vacations have now become.  No more sipping drinks until the wee hours and sleeping in...No more soaking the sun in all.day.long.,,No more quiet reading by the pool...You know, I didn't miss those things at all. :)

No...I didn't take this.  But it is a photo of HHI, borrowed from here. 

Chris' parents, his brother and sister-in-law and their three kiddos, and the three of us all stayed together in a house right off the beach.  It's kind of funny; we rented the exact same house seven summers ago.  How different life was then!  Chris and I were in college, and Brian and Amanda were (relatively) newly married, and expecting Eli.  Fast forward seven years later....they've gotten a flat screen in the living room, and we've added four more faces to our little clan.  What a blessing to get to spend this whole week together!

Our little family in the beach house.  Chris and I took a photo in front of this same fireplace seven summers ago.  We look a little different now! :)

Saturday 7/14

We left around 5:00 am, hoping to get some travel time in before Collier woke up.  It worked well, and we managed to make the entire trip with only three stops, and minimal crying.  Our last stop was technically in Hilton Head, about 2 miles from the rental house.  Collier decided that he could NOT wait any longer to eat.  We tried out the pool when we arrived.  Collier loved "swimming" around (meaning us floating him around and him putting his arms backwards like he was flying)--plus he looked totally adorable in his suit. :)

Who needs to see out the back window? 

I'm ready to go, guys!

Chris and Collier at our traditional on-the-way-to-vacation Cracker Barrel breakfast

Looking studly in his swim trunks

Sunday 7/15

Beach Day!  Collier's first time feeling the sand and sea.  He didn't seem to mind too much.  We also ate dinner at Marley's, which is my fave dinner spot on the island.  You've got to try it if you're in the area--delish!

What is this place?

Monday 7/16

The guys went golfing, and the gals and the kiddos spent some time on the beach.  I had a major catastrophe involving a beach chair, our stroller, and, as it turns out, several new bruises.  Let's just say that I'm very glad that our stroller is heavy duty and Collier was strapped in.  We also had a photographer meet us on the beach to take family photos.  We had a blast, and I can't wait to see the pics!

C playing in his baby hut (this nifty little pop up tent with spf built right in)

Everyone got sculpted into a sand mermaid (well, merman in Brady's case)

Callie loves the water!

Eli and Brady building a sand castle village

Tuesday 7/17

We had brunch with some friends (Lori, Michael, and Ryder--friends from Winchester who were vacationing too!), then beach time, followed by reading/naps/listening to a thunderstorm on a screened in porch.  I really could live my entire life on a screened porch, I think (As long as it's at the beach.  And it has a ceiling fan.).  We spent the evening playing mini golf (which Eli later said was his favorite part of our trip) and had a great time!

Pirate Golf!  Everyone got a little pirate flag.

Callie, Brady, and Eli ready for some putt-putt

Chris is such a good golfer than he can putt with a baby strapped to his chest. 

Wednesday 7/18

We did some shopping, had lunch with Papa and Gram, and were lazy on the beach.  We all went for a yummy dinner at the Crazy Crab.  C was not so impressed by the noisy environment, though.  He wanted to be outside where it was a bit more relaxed (Which meant that his mommy and daddy didn't get to eat at the same time.  Oh well.)

After dinner

Thursday 7/19

More quality time on the beach (we figured out by now that Collier could take his morning nap in the stroller at the beach without much complaint while mommy and daddy relaxed in the sand.  Hurray!)  and at our pool, followed by an evening out to dinner and to a kid's concert at Shelter Cove.  Shannon Tanner has apparently done concerts on the island for like 20 years, and he has some really hilarious songs. The show was as much fun for the grown ups as it was for the kiddos.

Cousins!

Ocean sounds are a great nap soundtrack

Eli entertained Collier on the way to dinner.  When he got impatient with the car seat and started to cry, E said  (with hands clamped over his ears) "This is kind of annoying, by the way."  Ha!

Friday 7/20

We soaked up our last day on the beach and at the pool, and went for a great dinner out at a place called Alligator Grille (our second choice, but was very tasty).  We went for one last walk on the beach, and enjoyed a little more time together before we headed back to our landlocked state.

Hmmm....what is this giant bathtub?

C liked to superman-fly around the pool

Saturday 7/21

Reluctantly, we packed up and trekked home, back to real life.  Don't worry, we brought back plenty of sand in our laundry to help us remember our trip! :)

A "Day Off" for the 4th

Haha!  This is my new favorite picture of Collier.  This is his "I'm not quite sure that I like this" face, usually followed by an equally adorable pouty face.  Yesterday morning, this is how both Chris and I felt...

Chris has been crazy busy at work lately, and so I know he's been looking forward to having a day off for a while now.  (All the while being thankful that he has such a great job, of course :)  We planned a low-key day: sleep in (as much as Collier would let us), breakfast at Cracker Barrel, shopping for necessities for our upcoming beach trip, and a fun party with friends.  Well...our smoke detector had other ideas.  

At 4:30 yesterday morning, it started doing the "low-battery" beep.  You should know that high-pitched noises drive our dog crazy, so we had this beep-bark-bark, beep-bark-bark, situation going on, repeating every 60 seconds.  We both thought this was odd, because we Chris had just changed the batteries.  At any rate, we did what any normal person would do at 4 am, and take the battery out of the alarm.  Back to bed...nope.  Still beeping.  We figure it must be because the smoke detectors are wired into the house, and it can't be without a battery.  So--we pull the suckers out of the wall.  Still beeping (what?  how's that possible?)  Plan C: Chris heads to Wal-Mart for more batteries...I mean, who keeps 9 volts in the house?  It's about 5:30 by now, still beeping (and barking), and Chris replaces every battery in every smoke alarm in the house.  Still beeping (and barking).  Collier wakes up to eat, and Chris hikes through the attic, where we figure there must be another alarm hidden.  Still beeping (and barking).  Collier goes back to sleep (how, I have no idea), and Chris tries to call the smoke alarm company.  They're closed for the holiday (of course).  It's almost 7:00 by now, and we are to the point of accepting that we'll just have to put our house on the market and move, because it's going to be beeping forever.  I decided to give it one more shot, trying to follow the sound of the rouge alarm.  Low and behold--a forgotten Carbon Monoxide detector in our laundry room!!!  I saved the day (and our sanity)!  And, I don't think my husband was any more proud of me after I gave birth. 

Mr. fix-it looking for the smoke detector manual.  Note the head lamp--a necessity whenever digging through in insulation in the attic looking for a non-existent alarm. 

We were able to resume our laid-back day, and took a pretty great nap during the afternoon, followed by a great party with some of our sweet friends.  Lots of great food, and fireworks made for a great end to our relaxing (ha!) day off.  Happy Birthday, America!  

Headed out to celebrate! 

Silly Enzymes

Brace yourself!  This post contains both dorky science issues and breastfeeding talk. Skip it if you want, I just thought it might help someone who's having similar issues.

While I was preggers, I knew that I wanted to try to breastfeed Collier, since it was the best thing for both of us.  The first several weeks were quite a challenge, but since then we've gotten into a rhythm that works well for both of us, and it's become relatively easy.  However, always in the back of my mind was going back to work--how am I going to teach and pump so C can eat while he's at daycare?  Trying to get "ahead of the game", I've made it my goal this summer to build up as much of a frozen supply as I could, so we have something to fall back on when I go back to work.  We've also tried to give Collier about a bottle a day, just so he stays comfortable with going back and forth between the two.

Little 2-week-old Collier having his first bottle.  It's as big as he is!  

Collier took a bottle so well at first!  Chris loved getting a chance to feed him, and I loved that I could leave the house if I needed to.  Around two weeks old, I also started building up that supply of frozen milk.  At our two-month checkup, C's doctor told me that she'd like me to start using the frozen milk in his bottle, on a "first in, first out" kind of plan.  After we started that, we noticed that Collier sometimes had trouble with the bottle.  Sometimes he'd take it like a champ, sometimes he'd refuse it.  We figured he was just being stubborn...thinking "If I hold out, then mommy will nurse me."  Fast forward to last week.  It was Wednesday, and Chris was getting Collier started on a bottle while I was leaving for a meeting.  While I was out of the house, they spent about an hour and a half working on the bottle...it was a total no-go.  I was beginning to question what I'm going to do when I return to work. Do we need new bottles?  Do we need to switch to formula?  It's upsetting to wonder how you're kid's going to eat while you're at work!  Enter google.  We did a search for other families with similar problems, and found one mom's blog post, called "Taste the Milk".  Apparently her baby was doing similar things, and refusing frozen milk.  When she tried her milk, she detected a slightly metallic flavor.  So....we tried it.  (I know, I know...you're thinking, "That's gross!".  Turns out that parents will do just about anything to help their baby eat.) So, we tried it.  It.was.disgusting.  You know that smell on your hands after you hold something metal?  That's what it tasted like.  We'd been trying to force our son to eat this gross milk.  No wonder he was refusing it (and talk about some mommy guilt)!  

Since we'd gotten over the gross factor of tasting my milk, we compared it to some fresh--no metallic flavor at all. So, I did some research.  Apparently there is an enzyme in breastmilk called Lipase (dorky science moment: lipo- is a prefix that refers to fats, -ase is a suffix that indicates an enzyme that breaks down something).  This lipase normally lowers the fat content in stored milk over time, very slowly.  However, in women with excess amounts of lipase, the fats break down too quickly, causing the metallic flavor.  So, my next question was when does this breakdown happen?  What's the "point of no return" for my milk and the lipase?  Taste test time! :)

That's right.  I did this.  Please don't think I'm like one of those crazy celebs that eats their own placenta.

I defrosted samples that were 1, 3, 5, and 7 weeks old.  The verdict?  1 week and 3 week old milk = fine (slightly sweet, if you're curious).  Starting at 5 weeks old, it developed that metallic taste.  So, all being told, I'm so grateful that we figured out why Collier was sometimes rejecting the bottle.  We've kept with our daily bottle (with only good milk, of course), and he's been doing great!  No refusal at all.  I'm so relieved to find a solution to this issue.  Now, if I can only figure out what to do with the 250+ ounces of ruined milk in my freezer.  I can't bring myself to throw it out...